you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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