So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
