I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
