he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
