I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
