I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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