Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
