Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
