literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
