Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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