I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
