I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
