So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
