I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
