some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
