3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
