I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
