D3 body, D1 cock
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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