Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
