No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
