ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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