If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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