I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
