evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
