this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
