I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
