How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
