Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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