lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
