Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
