If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
