I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
