You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
