There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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