I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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