Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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