Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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