I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
