Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
