So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
