we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
