Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
