don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
