So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
