If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
