I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm too high and old for this...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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