i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
