I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
