So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
