Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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