He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
